My friends at the Daily Post (I’m using that term loosely, I don’t think they would say that about me) asked me to post about which famous voice personality I will choose when they turn the stellar writing here at Rudy’s Ruminations into an audio book. Hey! No snickering back there! It could happen. Oh, you’re snickering about the stellar thing. Yeah, I know, it’s a stretch.
As anyone who has met me knows, I have that post-card-perfect face for radio. Anyone who has met me also know I have that pitch-perfect voice for cartoons. So with that bang-up combination I’m going to be looking for some talent. Lucky for you dear readers that you (advisedly) have a mind’s-eye (and ear) image of old rudyblues, because you would otherwise be headed for the exits about now.
So I thought to myself, “Self, who is it that can do justice to this caliber of writing with their vocal styling?” Self actually got up and left the room for a bit, not sure where he went, but I heard the toilet flush right before he came back. Must have been urgent. But I digress.
Self came back into the room, looked me straight out the eye, and said, “rudyblues, that is the most ridiculous thing you have ever asked me. Do you really think you have enough money to convince a famous voice actor to read the drivel you write? Do you really think James Earl Jones will drop whatever highly important thing he is doing to read the pablum you put out? I mean, yes, everyone has a price, but I don’t think you’ve taken stock lately. This stuff is terrible!”
Now self and I used to be pretty tight. I’d almost say we were buds. After I got over the initial shock of what the had just said, I sat down and did some soul searching, and some self-evaluating, and some stock-taking, and balanced my checkbook, and did a little yoga for good measure. When I finished with all that, I had a firm grasp on the level of voice personality talent who could do my work proud. And who could do it on the amount I came up with during the checkbook thing.
I wonder how much Gilbert Gottfried would charge? Maybe Pee Wee Herman?