Holy cow! Where has the time gone? I just looked away from the monitor for a minute, and “Bam!” It’s suddenly nine months later. An entire Homo sapiens gestation period gone by in an instant! Did any of you give birth while I was away? If so, congratulations! I’m sorry I missed it. And if you’re a man and you gave birth, well, just, “Wow!”
Nine months is a long time. Lots of things can happen in nine months. And things did happen! Summer in North America came and went, and is on its way again. Winter in North America came, and is gone. We’ve passed the vernal equinox. It’s astronomical spring! Woohoo!
Where I live we had a record breaking winter, but of that non-winter sort. For the first time in recorded weather history, dating back to the 1880’s I think, Chicago did not have a measurable snowfall in the months of January and February. Dustings, no more. Never happened before. At least that Tom Skilling at WGN has ever seen. He should know. He’s been around for all but a few of them. Climate change? I reckon so. Man-made? You bet. Payment due over the next few millennia.
I saw the other day that there’s giant pustules of methane gas forming in the melting permafrost in Russia. Nice. Methane is 30 times more effective than carbon dioxide at that greenhouse gas thing. Some people suggested that we should lance these methane boils and set them on fire. Turn them into carbon dioxide and keep the change. We’re well and truly screwed either way, because eventually the oceans will let go of all the methane that they have sequestered. Water that burns. Awesome. What do you use to put out that fire?
We had an election in the U.S. We elected a reality game show host as President of the United States. Wait, what’s that? Read that back to me, please, I don’t think I heard you correctly. We elected a reality game show host as President of the United States. Yeah, that’s what I thought I wrote. Surreal. This will go well, believe me. Bigly well.
He’s a 70 year old man with a Twitter obsession. Most 70 year old men have flip phones, if they have a mobile phone at all. They can’t text. And their voicemail boxes are too full to accept more. We elected one who can tweet. How presidential. This is going well, believe me. MAGA baby!
I rolled over a rather large bump in life’s road this month. Known colloquially as a birthday. I’m now a sexagenarian. No, it doesn’t mean an old dude having lots of sex. I wish. Maybe I should take a page from our president’s playbook. But it would probably kill me. Look it up, because I’m not saying how many it is. You do the math.
My friends got me this bit of gangsta bling for the occasion. Apparently, it’s now official. Before this particular speed bump I was just a fawner. A pretender. A wannabe. Guess I’ve finally grown into my grumpy. Who’d have thunk it. Hope I’m not making anybody’s gang sign in that pic.
Hey, get off my lawn, you kids!