The Names Were Changed to Protect the Innocent

So, here’s your muddle. You have to do “X”. Doing X makes you very anxious. You haven’t done X very often, perhaps never. Catastrophic failure is a distinct possibility. In fact, it might be inevitable! Yikes!

history_andreevWho do you choose to fail in front of, complete strangers, or family and friends? Family and friends would certainly be more supportive. In fact, your anxiety might be lower in front of family and friends. Lots of performers have fond memories of early performances in front of family and friends. There’s even YouTube video of some!

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On Seeing Ourselves

Do we ever really see ourselves as we truly are?

My perception of my image when I look in the mirror is filtered by my mind. If my mood is positive, then my perception is favorable (hey, lookin’ good.) If my mood is less positive, then my perception is less favorable (damn, lookin’ old and tired.) But each time I purposely look in the mirror, I know it’s me I’m looking at, because I can see myself doing the looking, and that influences my perception. My mind knows it’s looking at itself.

152px-Photograph_of_a_baby_standing_in_front_of_a_mirrorMy perception of my image when I look at myself in a picture or a video is also filtered by my mind, but in a different way. My mind knows I’m not purposely looking in a mirror. And perhaps I grow a little apprehensive, hoping I look good, and maybe my mood darkens a little as I look. If it’s a group picture I sometimes have to look twice to find myself. It’s as if the picture or the video produces enough disconnect that my mind can’t remember it’s looking at itself.

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And it’s Never Enough!

Why Keeping up with the Jones’ is ruining your life

This is in response to the Daily Post prompt Keeping up with the Jones’, where they ask me to “Tell us about the one luxury item you wish you could afford, in as much detail as you can. Paint a picture for us.” Right. I’ll paint a damn picture.

Well. To borrow a phrase, “I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.” It’s not the nice things that I’m burying. Nice things are, well, nice. It’s what drives the whole “keeping up” thing that I’m here to bury. And it’s the cause of a lot of heartache and frustration.

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2015 rudyblues Year in Review

A humorous look at year end reviews and business reorganization

Well, my esteemed and gracious readers, it’s nearly the end of another lap around the old neighborhood thermonuclear explosion. This is when many would take pause to reflect on where they started this time around, and to blather on about their many accomplishments. But I, esteemed and gracious readers, am not one of those.

Image courtesy of Serge Bertasius Photography at

However, in a misguided effort to provide complete disclosure and full transparency, and against all the terror-stricken recommendations of my handlers, loved ones, and my cat (my most trusted advisor), I have decided to engage in just such reflection and blathering. Oh, I know, I can hear you now, “No! Please! Not that!” Yes. That. Read more ruminating